Hey,
This time I’m sharing a question from a reader that I know you’ll be interested in…

Question From A Reader:

I purchased your e-book last night and have been reading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to some parts to get to others that I thought I needed to read first…and now I’m going back to read the entire thing. I wanted to share something with you first that struck me.

I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him - more than a friendship. We have been intimate with each other about 3 times. Everything was fine until I mentioned my feelings to him. I wasn’t asking him for a relationship…but he took it that way. I have since then been pouring my heart out to him and pretty much looking insane.

Is there any way to save it? I know he has feelings for me.

Please help…and tell me how to reverse the damage I have done.

Thanks so much

T.
My Thoughts:

WAKE UP GIRL!

I’ve got to slap some sense into you for your own good.

I’m going to skip some critical stuff here because you’ve got my book.

But go back to Chapter 6 and read each section again.

Your fears are taking over your emotions… which in turn is driving the behavior that your guy is responding negatively to.

You’ve stopped steering your life emotionally and you’ve let go of the wheel.

Go to Chapter 7 also, about the Emotional Gap, and read about “How To Set Yourself Apart From Other Women.”

But I’ve got some new ideas for you too…

There’s an important scientific word I want you to learn and remember:

“Duh”

You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him - you’re sleeping with him!

And I’m willing to bet you had these feelings all along, but you just weren’t completely up front about them.

You’re situation is possibly the WORST kind of uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on.

It’s a BIG NO-NO.

Actually, it’s THE big NO-NO in the early dating stage.

Using purely “physical attraction” to start a potential relationship.

So rarely do I give rules, but here’s an absolute RULE when it comes to men -

You can go from a committed and deep relationship to something “casual” or physical with a man.

For a man, that’s relatively easy.

But it almost impossible to go from the “friends - with-benefits” situation to a deep, fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.

If you know what I’m talking about here say “Amen!”

I know this first hand.

From my own love-life and from TONS of men and women I’ve known in my life.

So here’s the “RULE”:

DON’T EVER try and start things with a man at a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want the option for something more meaningful or long- term.

Men don’t work this way, like it or not.

And don’t try to get a man BACK with physical attraction and sex either.

It’s a dead-end street.

So here’s the first thing you need to do…

Go read my book again - and this time finish it.

Then read it 2 more times.

Just buying it won’t help you.

The worst part of this is that you’re smart and you know better - I can tell, but I guess you’re just a glutton for punishment.

And I can’t see why you’re surprised with how frustrating your situation is.

Because you helped create it with your own choices.

But you’re still not getting it, so I’m going to give you the crash-course in the kind of dating that leads to love and happiness that you need.

Here goes…

1. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU’RE AFTER

You said you “made the mistake” of admitting you had feelings for him

It’s NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man.

It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man too early and in a negative context.

And you made both of these mistakes because you set yourself up for failure here.

How?

By choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn’t work for you.

So INSTANTLY you become the nay-sayer and antagonist for the story you chose to live out and the role you signed up for.

At least that’s the way your guy probably sees it.

One minute you’re blissfully happy in his embrace, and then a day or two later your feelings of content have turned to fear and desperation…

All because of a “talk” you wanted to have with him.

Ok, I’m riding you a bit hard here, but it’s for your own benefit.

Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.

I don’t believe that this kind of relationship came about because of any part of who you really are.

That’s why you’re freaking out.

You thought you could handle it.

You thought you’d get something out of it.

And for a minute it was fun.

But then your feelings snuck up on you.

And eventually you were reminded of what you’re really after with a man and what you value.

Right now you have two pictures in your mind:

One picture is of this “casual” thing going on.

And the other one is what you actually want.

The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it’s no wonder you’re acting “insane”.

Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line for what you’re ACTUALLY doing with this guy.

It’s time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won’t make you happy or comfortable - even if they feel good in the moment.

2. FIND YOU’RE PERSONAL STANDARDS & REQUIREMENTS… AND THEN STICK TO THEM

Starting things with a man in this “casual sex” way, is a SURE-FIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future.

I’m a guy.

I know.

But more importantly, getting into a “casual” situation with a man you might want to date, has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.

So…

Unless you’re one out of a hundred thousand women that gets “swept off her feet” by an open, caring, great communicator, who makes moving into a committed relationship effortless… then you’re going to have to start asking yourself some questions about what you really want from your love-life.

And find some answers…

And then… oh my god… actually be honest about them from the start.

Here’s an important question to ask:

WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS?

And I mean YOUR needs.

Not what you’re accepting, or tolerating, or hoping to get from a man just because there’s nothing better around right now.

Be clear here and think it through.

I’ll give you a minute…

Most women I know who are casually dating, have a set of unconscious requirements that have to be met for them to be able to enjoy the process of dating.

But they rarely recognize these requirements, or communicate them in an appealing way to a man, that also speaks to his needs.

So they end up in a situation that is anything but what they were looking for.

Here’s a few of these “must haves” that women often aren’t honest about at the start:

* That any man they’re involved with, in any way, isn’t dating or still involved with another woman

* That he’s open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other

* That he shares some the same values and priorities in his life that she does - or can at least appreciate and support her values

Here’s an example of “stereotypical” female values in order of priority:

Love -> Trust -> Intimacy -> Connection

And here’s one example of “stereotypical” male values in order of priority:

Financial Success-> Adventure-> Freedom

See any area for conflict and confusion about what’s important if these two people got together?

Interesting…

So how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS to feel good when it comes to men and dating?

And how do you communicate these to a man?

Do you do it indirectly through frustration and anger when your requirements aren’t being met, and do it AFTER THE FACT?

Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are getting started, so you’re in sync from the get-go?

Think about it for a second…

I’ll give you more time, because this one’s important…

Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going to make the right decisions for you.

He won’t be able to magically recognize and meet all of your needs or values.

Sticking to your standards helps you show a man how happiness works for you.

3. RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN’T MEET YOUR STANDARDS

After observing and studying how our minds work, I recognized something FASCINATING a few years back.

When we’re in a negative situation with someone in our life, we’re there because we’re getting something out of it behind the scenes.

Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…

You get a safe and risk free path to get close to this guy.

Even though you’re not too close at all.

Also known as “working it from the ‘friend zone’”.

So for you, you get your needs met by getting close and intimate in a way that seems, at first, to be REJECTION or ABANDONMENT FREE for you.

After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front?

Then you might end up feeling disappointment or loss.

Or be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.

And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy that you’re “tolerating” and fighting with a man about.

If you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface.

But you didn’t want to share it for fear of scaring him off or getting hurt.

This may sound harsh, but you’ve got to be clear and direct with a man if what he’s doing is not up to par with where you need your partner to be.

You have to show a man what a woman wants and needs, because he probably wasn’t born knowing it like you were.

And do it in a way that rejects the BEHAVIOR, not him personally.

My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer”.

Strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.

The funny thing is, that as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, most men respond MAGICALLY to a woman who does this in the right way.

Why?

Because it sends a strong UNCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.

There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long- term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off center when her needs aren’t met.

Using the “velvet hammer” also has another AMAZING benefit that women don’t often recognize… or they don’t even see as a benefit at first.

It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away, because they’re never going to get their act together in the first place, or just don’t want to.

A large percentage of the time, the man will stop communicating or go away for a short while.

But here’s the best part…

With the “good guys”, that you probably WANT to be with long-term, something FASCINATING happens…

They come back around.

And even better, they’ve done all the leg-work themselves to be a better partner… in a way the woman could have never fixed or convinced him to do, no matter how hard she tried.

4. WHAT CREATES DEEPER ATTRACTION AND “LOVE” WITH MEN

Ever heard of “approval seeking” behavior?

It’s when we try and do and say things simply to get a positive reaction or judgment about ourselves from someone else.

Well, it’s a HUGE MISTAKE to make with a man early on.

Your need for your guy’s APPROVAL is your worst enemy right now.

To him, what your doing is actually the complete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.

I’ll give you an example to explain…

Have you ever seen what it looks like when a man is shamelessly seeking the approval of a woman?

As he’s just getting to know her and he sees that she hasn’t completely made up her mind to want to be with him, what does he do?

He buys her gifts.

He calls her all the time.

He offers to do favors and errands for her.

All these are attempts to prove to her that he’s good enough to be with her or to get her attention.

This is also known as the “really nice guy” approach.

Women just never seem to quite “feel it” for the super nice guy.

Of course, some women disagree and like to tell me that they really like nice guys.

Here’s my take…

A guy can already be attractive AND do nice things.

Agreed - you CAN be attractive AND do nice things.

But doing nice things DOES NOT make a man more attractive.

If a woman wasn’t really “feeling it” before, no amount of nice guy behavior will win her heart over.

It just doesn’t work that way.

With me here?

Instead of making her feel attracted to him, what actually happens inside a lot of women when a man is taking the “nice guy” strategy?

Somewhere deep down she starts to lose RESPECT for him, because she knows she can CONTROL him.

The woman doesn’t consciously choose to experience this, but it’s how she FEELS.

And feelings are the most powerful things we have to drive our beliefs and desires.

Ever stopped to think that the same thing might work in reverse between a woman’s behavior and a man?

Interesting…

I’ve got a FASCINATING question for you.

Guess what one of the most common, central, human experiences is that we all feel when it comes to LOVE?

Give up?

It’s a LOSS OF CONTROL.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, think about a love you’ve had in the past, or friends you know who have been head over heels in love.

Or pick up a book on the physiological and psychological effects of love on our minds and bodies.

There have been lots of great studies.

Crazy stuff.

Anyway, our minds work obsessively on thoughts about the other person when we’re in love.

We think and plan to do all kinds of things for our lover.

Part of why we do this is to try and find the best way to get or share love back from the other person.

Some of this is beautiful and positive, but not all of it.

Some of what we do is to think up ways to try and CONTROL the other person, so they won’t ever leave or take the love we’re feeling away.

The classic adolescent example of this is when a girl wants to break up with a guy, and the boy falsely threatens to kill himself if she leaves.

I’m not making light of that horrible situation, but it’s a good example.

Nod your head if you know what I’m talking about and you get where I’m going with this.

What I’m doing here is showing you the subtle connection between LOVE, and the LOSS OF CONTROL experience.

Now let’s tie it back to approval seeking behavior…

How does approval seeking effect LOVE?

And what does it have to do with CONTROL?

For men, approval seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he’s with is going to think and act.

What does a man have to think and wonder about if he’s got complete certainty about everything a woman’s going to do?

Do you think a man feels intense desire, love and respect for a woman he can completely control?

Or when her behavior is totally predictable?

And what if she starts acting predictably NEGATIVE?

Think about it…

It’s this “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.

“SO WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?”

What most women ask in situations when a man isn’t responding the way they want him to is…

WHY is he acting this way and how do I make sense of it and “fix” it?”

Well, you can’t “fix” a man.

And I really feel for you if you’re one of those women who are trying.

But you CAN change a situation and the FEELINGS that a man is having for you.

You can change his EXPERIENCE with you.

The toughest and most important thing to understand is that men’s behavior and thinking in these situations aren’t at all LOGICAL.

In other words, how a man reacts doesn’t make ANY “sense” and doesn’t follow any rhyme or reason.

So of course it baffles and frustrates women when they run it through their own “sense-making filters”.

Let me ask you a question…

If you were an attractive man, would you want to find a woman that you had to TEACH how to make you attracted and feel good… or would you want a woman who just “got it” on her own… “naturally” and it flowed?

Duh. (there’s that scientific word again)

You’d want the woman who already “got it”.

So more likely than a conspiracy against women, men just naturally respond to women who GET IT, and DON’T respond to women who DON’T.

So let’s talk about these concepts a little bit more.

Attraction and wanting to be with a woman, is about a man perceiving that he and a woman are “naturally compatible” because his emotional and physical sparks fly when he’s around her.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word “logical” here.

Attraction and wanting to be with a woman long term is NOT the result of a man meeting a woman and then thinking to himself:

“Let’s see…she’s got a good job, works hard, and is a really good person… Hmmm, I think that we have some natural attraction going on here.”

WRONG.

For a man, attraction and the desire to be with a woman, and stay with her, is either THERE, or it ISN’T.

There’s no two ways about it.

If it isn’t, he’s not FEELING it.

Unfortunately, most women think:

“Well, if things aren’t going great, it must be because he doesn’t know something that I know, or feel something I feel. I think I’ll explain to him logically from my point of view how he needs to feel like I do… and then he’ll get it and know how and why we should love each other.”

If you’re doing this, you need a major refresher on how ATTRACTION is created and how it drives the feelings of love and long-term desire.

My ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” is chock full of great examples of how to trigger what I call “Intellectual Attraction” in a man.

In other words, the kind of attraction that gets a man to “naturally” open up, share himself and think about the future with a woman.

You can learn to avoid the mistakes most women make with a man that keep him from experiencing intense feelings of Intellectual Attraction.

And get specific ideas on how to begin to change a situation by creating this attraction.

Here are a few specific sections in the book:

# Chapter 3, Section 1: Be Honest About What You Want

This will get you on track with how to stop being fearful about dating, scaring a man off, and how to share your feelings at the beginning in a way that will build Physical and Intellectual Attraction instead of having him withdraw.

# Chapter 3, Section 5: The “Convincer”

Here you’ll learn the common behavior and communication style lots of women take on, that is sure to have a man acting “unavailable” and becoming less connected.

I describe how and why this happens in this section and in the following section about the critical “Relationship Balance” that exists between every man and woman… and what to do about it.

# Chapter 5, Section 4: Emotions Are Contagious

A woman’s emotional power can be her greatest strength or her biggest weakness. I talk about the deeper “psychology” behind your emotions, how men perceive the most common emotions women go through, and how you can channel your emotions to have a man see you as someone he HAS to be around.

Go to the link below to check out more.

And by the way, here’s one more piece of good news…

I’ve made it so that you can download my ebook completely free of charge and try it out for 7 full days.

No tricks.

No schemes.

Try it for free.

I’m so sure that you’ll love it and that it will truly help you and make you feel great about where you are, that I’ll let you decide whether or not you want to pay for it.

All you have to do is download the book, read it, and keep it if you love it.

I know you will.

If for any reason you don’t want the book, just let me know and you won’t have to pay ANYTHING at all.

AND you can still keep the book.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Get all the details and download your copy of the book here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?

Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you’ve got something real and special.

That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn’t have it, but it’s even more impossible to ignore when you’ve got it.

Even if you know the guy isn’t the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.

You can’t stop thinking about the man and the connection - it’s like a spell over the both of you.

Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.

That’s right, LOVE.

At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.

Well, believe it or not, there’s other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

The best part is that you’ve got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.

What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?

Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.

Let me ask you…

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.

But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.

Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:

- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn’t really ready to settle down.

- He didn’t see things getting as serious as you did.

- The connection started fading. He didn’t try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.

- You weren’t a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn’t value the time you spent together like you did.

- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn’t technically “cheating”.

Recognize any of these?

What’s going on here?

Here’s where your “magic” comes in.

(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they’re happening)

OK, you might already be thinking,

“Has he lost it?”

“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”

“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”

I’m with you there…

The magic I’m talking about here isn’t that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.

Let’s leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.

The magic I’m talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it’s just as amazing.

And it centers around an important idea-

*You instinctively know more about what’s going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.

Wow, getting pretty heavy here.

Don’t worry… I’ll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that’s where this will get fascinating…

Here’s the kicker-

You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.

All you have to do is tune into it.

Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?

This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.

So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.

Music is a good analogy for this - You can’t just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.

Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you’re in the moment.

It’s like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what’s next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you’re not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.

So let’s get to it. What is this “magical” ability?

And why am I talking about it?

Well, I’ll start with what the ability is…

**INTUITION**

You’re probably already familiar with the word.

But stop right there…

When you hear the term “intuition”, it’s easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.

I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I’ll make it worth your while.

How?

Well, to put it simply, you’d be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.

And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what’s really inside a man’s heart and mind.

I mean, it’s not like men make it very easy for women, right?

I don’t have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.

So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:

You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.

Or…

You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.

Which one will it be?

Cool… so you’re ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.

Good call - let’s get rolling.

Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating

Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you’ll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what’s really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you’re not around.

Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn’t call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.

Why do men do this?

For each one of these I’ve got some interesting insights and theories that can help.

But…

From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.

First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren’t all mixed up. If they are, there’s no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.

You’ll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.

Which is usually is a result of a few things you’ve experienced before.

Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc…

Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what’s actually going on.

That’s why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines - which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.

But let’s bring this back down to earth…

Do you know anyone women close to you who’ve had difficult relationships in the past?

And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?

Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.

Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-

I’ve got to get on with it, so I’ll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.

Here are some of the most important concepts you’ll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:

1. Men Don’t Make Sense

All those frustrating things that men do that don’t make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.

There’s a better way.

2. You Can’t Figure Everything Out

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?

Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you’ll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with an increase in your own self-confidence.

I’m not saying that it’s OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.

You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.

But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you’ll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.

It’s frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what’s going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.

But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I’ll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.

This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don’t make any sense. So don’t depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.

Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.

3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk

Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what’s going on when they pop up in your mind.

Maybe you’re being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get back to that place more often. This way you’ll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.

If you don’t think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.

When you’ve got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.

Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.

It’s kind of like a search running in the background on your computer - even though you’re doing something else it doesn’t stop looking.

After you’ve asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you’d like.

Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it’s up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.

4. Think Positive - Don’t Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt

Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they’re interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.

And once this happens, they want to know what’s going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.

If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that’s the “fear-monger”.

You know the one - that voice that’s always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.

The thing is, you can’t find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.

Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.

Keep a balanced and objective mindset.

5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer

If your new to using your intuition or you’re concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important - like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you’ve been thinking about for them.

That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.

6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind

Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.

The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we’re talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.

Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.

The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.

Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.

So what should I do?

I was really worried.

I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.

Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn’t for the reasons I feared.

A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.

Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.

My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.

I couldn’t believe it.

So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.

As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.

Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.

My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.

They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.

Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - and now they were.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.

End of story.

Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I’d be aware of what was going on.

But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.

If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.

But I didn’t use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.

So all this talk about intuition.

How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?

Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-

- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating

Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that’s hiding beneath the surface.

Your intuition could even help you cut through a man’s ego and persona to get to the real person that’s hard to find.

I bet you’ve known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you’ve seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.

Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowing them for what they are.

A man’s external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions - as you probably already know.

Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren’t.

So it’s really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you’re interested in or dating.

And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.

In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.

But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.

They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.

So if you’re constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it’s time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.

To take your intuition to the next level - the more you already know the better.

For some of the best knowledge out there on what’s inside a man’s mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they’re either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

You can check out all the details here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter

©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

While I don’t encourage slipping backwards like this, sometimes it happens.

I do think if you are going go there, try to make it a "healthy" experience.

1. Think like a man, men can just have sex with no emotions attached. They have the ability to put women in categories like just for sex or relationship material. You have to look at it the same way and put him in your just for sex category. It’s just sex, no strings no expectations. You are aware that there is no relationship and you are having sex to get your fill for the moment.

2. Once the deed is done, don’t try to have a talk about your relationship and where it’s going. Say thank you and leave. It’s going nowhere and just accept that.

3. If you find yourself wondering if the sex will rekindle the relationship, then you need to say goodbye for good because you are clearly still emotionally attached.

 If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go…

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game… if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So what’s the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So… it sounds pretty important actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely interested in you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction - “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing… Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

(And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.

It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.

I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they’re in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.

I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won’t just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he’ll be leading you both forward.

If you’re not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I’ve got good news for you…

I’ll let you try my ebook out for free.

I’m so confident that it can help you, just as it’s helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I’m going to let you try it out free for a week.

If you don’t like it, just let me know and you won’t pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.

If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.

So what are you waiting for?

Go get it right now:Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,

Christian Carter

After meeting thousands of people, we feel that people can be categorized into 2 distinct groups…

Social Value Givers

and

Social Value Takers

The phrases “giving value” vs. “taking value” are popular and are often used terms in the self-development community.

What’s missing is the definition of what it means to really give value, and what it means to take value. What we’ll cover are the hallmark differences between the two, and hopefully, you will convinced why it is important to be a social value giver to pave the road towards your personal social success.

Ok, the reality is there is no clear cut definition. It’s really about how about a person makes you feel in any given interaction.

What is a social value giver?

Imagine you are meeting someone for the very first time. For some reason, you feel at ease with this person when you are in conversation with them, and they are actually interested in what you are saying and doesn’t interrupt you while you speak. There’s a genuine connection between you and this person, and you can sense that this person has a genuine heart and they are willing and able to lend you a helping hand in your life. Because of this, you want to help them and be their friend.

What is a social value taker?

Have you ever met someone and when you met them, for some reason, you felt somewhat put off? After meeting them, you felt less secure about yourself. Maybe they approached you in an aggressive or an over-the-top manner. Maybe they made you feel like you had to keep important information to yourself. Maybe you even felt like you had to keep your wallet or purse closer to you. On the surface, this person didn’t seem to be any kind of threat, but for some reason your guard went up based on how this person made you feel.

What we are really trying to convey is when we refer to value giving and value taking, we are talking about the emotional energy that you bring to an interaction.To put this in simpler terms, we consider our definition of value giver the same as being a cool person. A person we feel better off for having met. If you take anything, remember this one thing.

A social value giver is synonymous with being a cool person, a person who you feel better off for having met.

On the opposite side, a person we feel worse of for having been around is the definition of a social value taker or a creep, jerk, ass, bitch. You get the picture.

Being a giver has little to do with money, but it has to do more about what kind of emotional value he brings to the interaction. If you think about it, many of the things we buy, we buy because of the feelings and emotions these things give us.

Traits of a social value giver:

A social giver is someone who can by their nature, give us these feelings just by being around them.
A social giver approaches an interaction without a hidden agenda, they listen to you and actually listen to you. They aren’t just waiting for their turn to talk.
A social giver smiles and goes into an interaction seeking to contribute something of value even if that means saying nothing and listening.
A social giver can give you the benefit of the doubt and puts his faith in the goodness of the universe and the goodness of others.
A social giver enters a social interaction with the intent of sharing whatever value he brings to the table.
On the other hand, a social taker is someone who makes you feel less of yourself for being around them as opposed to feeling more fulfilled and enriched.

Traits of a social value taker:

A social taker is only out for themselves. They are always thinking what they can take or get. Their intent is to take, whether it’s emotionally or monetarily.
A social taker comes from a scarcity mentality. They believe if they give something, they will run out of it. Who runs out of smiles or good will or compliments?
A social value taker enters an interaction thinking, “How can I be better than these people?” as opposed to a social giver who thinks, “How can I enrich this interaction and make this a better time for everyone?”
A social value taker rarely listens to what you’re saying. They are formulating their comeback even before you are done speaking.
A social value taker always waits to be offered something first, rather than offering something first.
A social value taker rarely introduces you to their friends, for fear that you may lure his friends away.
A social value taker is someone who is negative, complaining and bitching all the time.
Honestly, we are all social value takers at some time or another. The key point we want you to remember is to always seek to give value first when interacting with others. The reason is that when you give value first, you create value in others. You’ll notice the most generous people in the world are the greatest value givers and living in abundance. They seek to share with others, and others want to share with them. Everyone is better off.

Ok. Now, here are a few mindsets you can practice giving on a day-to-day basis.

Always share what you have, because when you share what you have, people are more willing to share with you.
When going into social interactions, go in with the mindset, “what can I give to this interaction?
Also think to yourself, “How can I enrich this situation emotionally?” Look people in the eye. Smile when you greet people.
These things are extremely basic, but for a lot of us, we only get better at it with practice.

So to help you practice being a social value giver, we’ve come up with a three part homework assignment. It took us some time to really quantify what it means to be a social giver, but we think you’ll enjoy these practical exercises.

Homework:

Part 1. Think about what we’ve discussed and come up with 2 examples of being a social value giver and 2 examples of being a social value taker.

Part 2. In the next week, give 5 genuine and sincere compliments to someone new… and walk away. This will get you in the mindset of giving value for free.

Part 3. In the next week, whenever interacting with hired help, greet them and give them a smile. We’re always in a rush, and we’re in our own world. By doing this, you will be actually making someone’s day.

On the surface, these exercises may seem weird, but once you do them, you’ll feel this amazing feeling that you can’t describe. That’s the feeling of being a social value giver.

We hope you’ve learned even the slightest bit of knowledge and motivation from our discussion, and we hope we’ve clarified and also brought to your attention the importance of being a social value giver.

If you have any questions please email kyle@socialfundamentals.com . If you have comments, please feel free to respond (positively or negatively) in this blog.

We appreciate your taking the time to read this, now go out and make people smile.

-Johnny and Kyle

Go to SocialFundamentals.com for more insightful ways to build up your relationships.