Have you ever felt “magic” with a man?

Like when the connection you and a guy share is so strong that something inside you just tells you’ve got something real and special.

That connection and chemistry is almost impossible to describe to someone who doesn’t have it, but it’s even more impossible to ignore when you’ve got it.

Even if you know the guy isn’t the right kind of guy to be wanting to settle down with.

You can’t stop thinking about the man and the connection - it’s like a spell over the both of you.

Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or even the “L” word.

That’s right, LOVE.

At one time or another, one of these have had almost magical powers over you that make you see, feel and act in ways you never would have before.

Well, believe it or not, there’s other magic waiting for you beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

The best part is that you’ve got your very own kind of “magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever you want and use it for your own immediate benefit.

What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?

Using this magic could mean the difference between finding out any major issues a guy has before they become a real problem OR getting your heart broken and never have seen it coming.

Let me ask you…

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware and you had such an amazing time together.

But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.

Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and common ones we predictable and difficult men go through like these:

- He started getting restless and he talked about how he wasn’t really ready to settle down.

- He didn’t see things getting as serious as you did.

- The connection started fading. He didn’t try to connect to you much anymore and share his intimate feelings.

- You weren’t a priority. He wanted to spend his time with his friends or other people and didn’t value the time you spent together like you did.

- He started flirting, talking to or even getting together with other women even if he wasn’t technically “cheating”.

Recognize any of these?

What’s going on here?

Here’s where your “magic” comes in.

(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean something that will give you perception and insights into situations before and while they’re happening)

OK, you might already be thinking,

“Has he lost it?”

“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”

“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”

I’m with you there…

The magic I’m talking about here isn’t that far out stuff about conjuring up spells or changing into an animal.

Let’s leave that kind of magic to Harry Potter and your imagination.

The magic I’m talking about is different and exists in the real world, but it’s just as amazing.

And it centers around an important idea-

*You instinctively know more about what’s going on in the world around you than you or your conscious mind fully recognizes.

Wow, getting pretty heavy here.

Don’t worry… I’ll bring this back down to earth and land the plane quickly. And that’s where this will get fascinating…

Here’s the kicker-

You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.

All you have to do is tune into it.

Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?

This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired” in your brain because of the way your consciousness and your subconscious mind is hooked up to the rest of your complex body systems and senses.

So the good news is that this ability is there for you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to take time to fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kind of like a practice.

Music is a good analogy for this - You can’t just pick up an instrument and start playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of the instrument, the music and how to play, things start to naturally fall into place.

Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow out of you while you’re in the moment.

It’s like they appear out of thin air and nothing could feel more natural. And your mind is able to process all the information coming at it and use it to anticipate what’s next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability of yours is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up on information from your environment, even when you’re not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being “processed” over and over to try and calculate the risk, danger, and expectations from your environment to try to find a way towards the outcome you want.

So let’s get to it. What is this “magical” ability?

And why am I talking about it?

Well, I’ll start with what the ability is…

**INTUITION**

You’re probably already familiar with the word.

But stop right there…

When you hear the term “intuition”, it’s easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff.

I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I’ll make it worth your while.

How?

Well, to put it simply, you’d be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it.

And that couple of minutes could help you solve some of the age-old challenges women have about knowing and understanding what’s really inside a man’s heart and mind.

I mean, it’s not like men make it very easy for women, right?

I don’t have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORS when it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentions around love and relationships.

So knowing that men are often this way, you have a choice here:

You can either do nothing about it and continue to be shocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things you find out about men after the fact.

Or…

You can start to create a more perceptive and insightful way of being in your own life and relationships by using more the natural intuitive abilities you already have.

Which one will it be?

Cool… so you’re ready to tune into your own intuitive ability.

Good call - let’s get rolling.

Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating

Using your intuition might be the best, and in some situations the ONLY, way that you’ll be able to see through all the external “behavior stuff” going on with a man and get to the truth of what’s really happening inside his mind and what his behavior is when you’re not around.

Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn’t call you much or initiate, or when a man gets close and then withdraws from you right after.

Why do men do this?

For each one of these I’ve got some interesting insights and theories that can help.

But…

From my perspective, there are some extremely important concepts that you need to understand before you can really “get” where a man is coming from or understand what his behaviors and issues are all about.

First, you need to build your foundation of understanding and make sure your own personal belief systems aren’t all mixed up. If they are, there’s no way for you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.

You’ll just see what your mind is fearful and afraid of, and it will only pick out and see what it knows from the past.

Which is usually is a result of a few things you’ve experienced before.

Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain, broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc…

Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, but not all of them produce decisions and conclusions that reflect the reality of what’s actually going on.

That’s why I find belief systems so fascinating. Our minds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines - which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusions and ways of perceiving our environment.

But let’s bring this back down to earth…

Do you know anyone women close to you who’ve had difficult relationships in the past?

And now they often have unfounded and negative fears about any man around them?

Their past experiences have had a huge impact on their personal beliefs and how they see themselves and the world.

Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-

I’ve got to get on with it, so I’ll need to give you abridged version. In other words, the very shortest route to get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefs you might already have and onto positive results.

Here are some of the most important concepts you’ll need to keep in your mind as you move towards listening to and using your intuition with men:

1. Men Don’t Make Sense

All those frustrating things that men do that don’t make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE. Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.

There’s a better way.

2. You Can’t Figure Everything Out

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?

Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you’ll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with an increase in your own self-confidence.

I’m not saying that it’s OK for a man to do whatever and that you should accept any negative and withdrawing behaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.

You absolutely should take notice and make mention of these things when you see them.

But the more relaxed and positive you can think and feel around these things, no matter what the man is doing, the sooner you’ll stop fighting everything in your mind and start creating better situations for yourself.

It’s frustrating and counterintuitive, but accepting what’s going on and moving forward from that reality in a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.

But some women get stuck in the “I need to understand why he does this and THEN I’ll figure out what to do, think and feel” mindset.

This almost never leads to clear thinking and positive action. Remember, men don’t make any sense. So don’t depend on their actions making sense for you to develop your own opinions, judgments and next steps.

Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your life and what you know is right instead of rationalizing and finding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.

3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And Your Intuition Will Talk

Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images, and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn to pay attention to what these are trying to tell you and what’s going on when they pop up in your mind.

Maybe you’re being more open and relaxed when those intuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get back to that place more often. This way you’ll end up being able to tap into your intuition more often when you need it.

If you don’t think you have a strong intuitive sense, simply try asking yourself more questions and keep them mulling around in your mind.

When you’ve got something in the back of your mind, something amazing happens without you even trying.

Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses to find any sign or trace of information that relates to your questions as you go about your day.

It’s kind of like a search running in the background on your computer - even though you’re doing something else it doesn’t stop looking.

After you’ve asked your questions, your mind will start sending you ideas, feelings and images without you even thinking about it. But sometimes this takes more time than you’d like.

Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually just pop up and start to give you hints and information without you even asking for it. And then it’s up to you to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good use of it.

4. Think Positive - Don’t Fill Your Mind With Fear And Doubt

Some women end up worrying almost obsessively that something is wrong or going badly with a guy they’re interested in or dating once they see some negative sign or pattern.

And once this happens, they want to know what’s going on so intently that they start letting their negative and obsessive thoughts take over.

If you want to be able to use your intuition, you need to start interrupting that voice in your head that’s the “fear-monger”.

You know the one - that voice that’s always worrying just to try and keep you safe and protected.

The thing is, you can’t find the truth in a situation if you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.

Just like how overly arrogant people can be misled by their false sense of belief in themselves.

Keep a balanced and objective mindset.

5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions For Your Intuition To Answer

If your new to using your intuition or you’re concerned with if or how to act on it, start with smaller things that might be less important - like whether or not you should go away for the weekend or if your friend will like the gift you’ve been thinking about for them.

That way, you can be practicing and learn to use your intuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressure situations. This will help you develop your abilities and become more comfortable to trust what you find with your intuition.

6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind

Years ago I had a huge learning experience when it came to using and listening to my intuition in the right way.

The situation came up when I was worried that a few people I worked with, who were my managers at the time, we’re talking about me and scrutinizing my work more closely than they had before.

Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately felt worried about my job and wondered if they were thinking about letting me go.

The company had laid off several employees a few months before, so I began to think that their extra attention to my work must have something to do with another round of cost-cutting.

Anyways, aside from my own professional insecurities at the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.

So what should I do?

I was really worried.

I decided to push myself even harder at work to try and show them how valuable I was in hopes that I would keep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feeling in my stomach that came with my intuition about their scrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next several weeks.

Well, it turns out that my managers were watching me and judging my performance. But it wasn’t for the reasons I feared.

A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with the managers who had been watching me closely.

Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump in my throat and a turning stomach.

My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that this was it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.

I couldn’t believe it.

So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensive and tense.

As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sense my discomfort and asked me what was wrong.

Without provocation, I immediately started defending my job and showing my insecurities.

My emotions got the best of me and I even said a few negative things about the managers themselves, as I wanted to place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for the companies problems.

They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.

Then they let me know that they had been watching my performance because they wanted to put me in charge of a new division. They wanted to be confident in their decision so they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - and now they were.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completely changed.

End of story.

Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I’d be aware of what was going on.

But the mistake I made was taking that information and using it to justify my own fears and insecurities.

If I would have taken the information, been patient with it and applied it towards my goals in a positive context, then the entire experience knowing that the managers were watching my work would have been fun and enjoyable.

But I didn’t use my intuition to see my way to something better, I simply used it as a means to worry and stress myself out.

So all this talk about intuition.

How does it really apply to the men in your life, dating and relationships?

Well, take a man with some of those common negative behaviors we were talking about earlier-

- fear of intimacy
- inability to commit
- flirting, cheating

Intuition can help you see past these things and understand them in the larger context of the deeper real “psychological and emotional stuff” that’s hiding beneath the surface.

Your intuition could even help you cut through a man’s ego and persona to get to the real person that’s hard to find.

I bet you’ve known a man who other women think would never settle down or have a sensitive side. But you’ve seen that this actually does have more long term intimate feelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.

Intuition is probably the best tool for being able to identify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowing them for what they are.

A man’s external or surface behavior and attitude can be very different than his deeper desires and intentions - as you probably already know.

Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing the part of an emotionally stable, available and loving guy for a while, even if they aren’t.

So it’s really up to YOU to learn to get to the “deeper emotional truth” of any man you’re interested in or dating.

And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating for women.

In a better world, men would be able to tell you honestly and sincerely where they were at.

But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.

They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes to feelings and emotions.

So if you’re constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what people around you do, (most of all men) then it’s time to get in touch with the amazing intuitive ability you have waiting for you.

To take your intuition to the next level - the more you already know the better.

For some of the best knowledge out there on what’s inside a man’s mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys), and to read more about the common behaviors most men have when they’re either smitten with a woman or desperately unable to get it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

You can check out all the details here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter

©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

While I don’t encourage slipping backwards like this, sometimes it happens.

I do think if you are going go there, try to make it a "healthy" experience.

1. Think like a man, men can just have sex with no emotions attached. They have the ability to put women in categories like just for sex or relationship material. You have to look at it the same way and put him in your just for sex category. It’s just sex, no strings no expectations. You are aware that there is no relationship and you are having sex to get your fill for the moment.

2. Once the deed is done, don’t try to have a talk about your relationship and where it’s going. Say thank you and leave. It’s going nowhere and just accept that.

3. If you find yourself wondering if the sex will rekindle the relationship, then you need to say goodbye for good because you are clearly still emotionally attached.

 If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go…

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game… if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So what’s the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:
“I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)
“I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So… it sounds pretty important actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely interested in you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction - “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing… Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

(And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.

It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.

I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they’re in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.

I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won’t just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he’ll be leading you both forward.

If you’re not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I’ve got good news for you…

I’ll let you try my ebook out for free.

I’m so confident that it can help you, just as it’s helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I’m going to let you try it out free for a week.

If you don’t like it, just let me know and you won’t pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.

If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.

So what are you waiting for?

Go get it right now:Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,

Christian Carter

After meeting thousands of people, we feel that people can be categorized into 2 distinct groups…

Social Value Givers

and

Social Value Takers

The phrases “giving value” vs. “taking value” are popular and are often used terms in the self-development community.

What’s missing is the definition of what it means to really give value, and what it means to take value. What we’ll cover are the hallmark differences between the two, and hopefully, you will convinced why it is important to be a social value giver to pave the road towards your personal social success.

Ok, the reality is there is no clear cut definition. It’s really about how about a person makes you feel in any given interaction.

What is a social value giver?

Imagine you are meeting someone for the very first time. For some reason, you feel at ease with this person when you are in conversation with them, and they are actually interested in what you are saying and doesn’t interrupt you while you speak. There’s a genuine connection between you and this person, and you can sense that this person has a genuine heart and they are willing and able to lend you a helping hand in your life. Because of this, you want to help them and be their friend.

What is a social value taker?

Have you ever met someone and when you met them, for some reason, you felt somewhat put off? After meeting them, you felt less secure about yourself. Maybe they approached you in an aggressive or an over-the-top manner. Maybe they made you feel like you had to keep important information to yourself. Maybe you even felt like you had to keep your wallet or purse closer to you. On the surface, this person didn’t seem to be any kind of threat, but for some reason your guard went up based on how this person made you feel.

What we are really trying to convey is when we refer to value giving and value taking, we are talking about the emotional energy that you bring to an interaction.To put this in simpler terms, we consider our definition of value giver the same as being a cool person. A person we feel better off for having met. If you take anything, remember this one thing.

A social value giver is synonymous with being a cool person, a person who you feel better off for having met.

On the opposite side, a person we feel worse of for having been around is the definition of a social value taker or a creep, jerk, ass, bitch. You get the picture.

Being a giver has little to do with money, but it has to do more about what kind of emotional value he brings to the interaction. If you think about it, many of the things we buy, we buy because of the feelings and emotions these things give us.

Traits of a social value giver:

A social giver is someone who can by their nature, give us these feelings just by being around them.
A social giver approaches an interaction without a hidden agenda, they listen to you and actually listen to you. They aren’t just waiting for their turn to talk.
A social giver smiles and goes into an interaction seeking to contribute something of value even if that means saying nothing and listening.
A social giver can give you the benefit of the doubt and puts his faith in the goodness of the universe and the goodness of others.
A social giver enters a social interaction with the intent of sharing whatever value he brings to the table.
On the other hand, a social taker is someone who makes you feel less of yourself for being around them as opposed to feeling more fulfilled and enriched.

Traits of a social value taker:

A social taker is only out for themselves. They are always thinking what they can take or get. Their intent is to take, whether it’s emotionally or monetarily.
A social taker comes from a scarcity mentality. They believe if they give something, they will run out of it. Who runs out of smiles or good will or compliments?
A social value taker enters an interaction thinking, “How can I be better than these people?” as opposed to a social giver who thinks, “How can I enrich this interaction and make this a better time for everyone?”
A social value taker rarely listens to what you’re saying. They are formulating their comeback even before you are done speaking.
A social value taker always waits to be offered something first, rather than offering something first.
A social value taker rarely introduces you to their friends, for fear that you may lure his friends away.
A social value taker is someone who is negative, complaining and bitching all the time.
Honestly, we are all social value takers at some time or another. The key point we want you to remember is to always seek to give value first when interacting with others. The reason is that when you give value first, you create value in others. You’ll notice the most generous people in the world are the greatest value givers and living in abundance. They seek to share with others, and others want to share with them. Everyone is better off.

Ok. Now, here are a few mindsets you can practice giving on a day-to-day basis.

Always share what you have, because when you share what you have, people are more willing to share with you.
When going into social interactions, go in with the mindset, “what can I give to this interaction?
Also think to yourself, “How can I enrich this situation emotionally?” Look people in the eye. Smile when you greet people.
These things are extremely basic, but for a lot of us, we only get better at it with practice.

So to help you practice being a social value giver, we’ve come up with a three part homework assignment. It took us some time to really quantify what it means to be a social giver, but we think you’ll enjoy these practical exercises.

Homework:

Part 1. Think about what we’ve discussed and come up with 2 examples of being a social value giver and 2 examples of being a social value taker.

Part 2. In the next week, give 5 genuine and sincere compliments to someone new… and walk away. This will get you in the mindset of giving value for free.

Part 3. In the next week, whenever interacting with hired help, greet them and give them a smile. We’re always in a rush, and we’re in our own world. By doing this, you will be actually making someone’s day.

On the surface, these exercises may seem weird, but once you do them, you’ll feel this amazing feeling that you can’t describe. That’s the feeling of being a social value giver.

We hope you’ve learned even the slightest bit of knowledge and motivation from our discussion, and we hope we’ve clarified and also brought to your attention the importance of being a social value giver.

If you have any questions please email kyle@socialfundamentals.com . If you have comments, please feel free to respond (positively or negatively) in this blog.

We appreciate your taking the time to read this, now go out and make people smile.

-Johnny and Kyle

Go to SocialFundamentals.com for more insightful ways to build up your relationships.

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END…

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels…

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back…

Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON’T GET.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.

It sucks!

But it’s a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what’s going on.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?

Strange and interesting…

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” … but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, YOU’RE DONE.

It’s over.

It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off or even disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?

I got it from watching WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”… and of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return by the woman.

Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they’re not attracted to.

Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.

And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what’s happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?

And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.

And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he’ll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it, because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer, is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.

But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren’t “obvious”, at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.